Resurrection Seeds…

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Some friends have seen our garden…the one with the tomato, eggplant, and pepper plants…the one with the basil, rosemary, lavender…and the sunflowers. I take pictures and show them online. I love to garden, and I love harvest time. But some would have a hard time believing those pictures and that garden are one and the same.

I wonder sometimes if they think I’m embellishing the truth—that maybe the pictures are from another season. But, no… You see, the pictures I post are close-ups. Every plant gets its close-up shot, sometimes several, especially the sunflowers.

You can’t see the weeds that grow abundantly right now, that I don’t have time to get rid of. You can’t see the chain-link fence that they grow next to, nor the small space they inhabit. But when you get up close, you see the magnitude of their beauty.

The same is true of God. He’s right there in the midst of our weeds, next to our chain-link fences that keep some people out of our lives and keep unhealthy ones in, right there in our closed spaces where we sometimes feel we can’t escape or even breathe well…or closed-in spaces that make us feel safe but offer no room for growth…

But right there, there is God, up close and personal if we really look for Him… And, as Scripture says, if we go after Him with our whole being, He will let Himself be found by us.

Jesus is just like that sunflower that turns its face up toward Heaven, then bends toward us, leaving resurrection seeds… Such grace, such beauty, such power for all of us who would want Him beside us in this garden of life…

Dining Rooms & Garden Treasures

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Last May, while out in the garden planting more sunflower seeds, I was talking to God about my mom. She was in her fifth month of defying the doctors’ prediction of having only weeks to months to live — at the most, six months, they said.

I knew they were wrong. After she had broken a hip, I heard God tell me that she would live and not die, that it wasn’t her time to go Home yet, which was different from my dad, who went Home after battling lung cancer when I was a young teen.

With my mom, I witnessed a miracle. She had been in intense pain, but as soon as a Catholic Charismatic deacon prayed over her in Jesus’ Name, the pain left immediately and her back straightened. Nurses ran around telling everyone it was a miracle, and the doctor at the rehab facility wanted to know if she hid pain. To this day, Mom has not needed to take a pain pill after leaving that place.

Back to the garden. While planting a seed, I looked back at her house, the house I came home to as a newborn.

“Lord, I had always wanted to build Mom a dining room.” It’s always been one of my regrets, but finances never allowed for it.

My mom grew up very poor. Her parents were sharecroppers, and the house they lived in with Mom’s brother and sisters would be classified as a shack to most people. Their little house had dirt floors and the windows had no glass or screens, just wooden slabs to pull down over them.

And the one thing she’d always wanted was a dining room. She never had a formal dining room. Even this old house now only has a space in the kitchen for meals.

One of the only times I saw my mom shed a tear was when we were driving around town several years ago, and she pointed out a neighborhood she liked, and told me that she and my dad were going to purchase a house there, one that had a dining room, but he had gotten transferred to Germany instead. And so they rented this house and came back to it later.

Back to the garden again. After I talked to God about it all, I felt His Presence so strongly and sweetly. I felt He was right there beside me. I then broke up new earth along the fence, but my shovel hit something. When I bent down to get rid of the “rock,” I instead pulled out a spoon. It was a piece from my mom’s set of tableware. For a while, I just stared at it. It just seemed so odd.

Many years ago, the fence had beautiful wild white roses growing over it. My dad had planted them, but later years, my mom had dug them up because of too much maintenance. Maybe the spoon somehow ended up there during a lunch break while planting, or after one of our summer backyard picnics.

As I dug again, the shovel hit something else: half of my dad’s old Diners Club card. And then I found some old siding from when the house was first built.

And then I ran inside and cried a little bit. Because although I didn’t hear an audible voice, what I heard in my spirit was this: “Your mom may not have had a dining room here on Earth, but don’t worry. In Heaven, she’ll have the most beautiful dining room with a feast that never ends. And not only will I be there waiting for her, so will your dad.”

It was truly a magical moment in so many ways. A healing moment. A reassuring moment. Alone in the garden, but not alone at all. Jesus was with me. Jesus is with us — with all of us who want Him. And that makes all the difference.

One year and one month later, I still have that spoon and diners club card, and still with the dirt on them, in a clear plastic bag. It’s reminder of God’s goodness.

And Mom is still here with us. We went outside today and I pointed out the three cucumbers growing, and the peppers and eggplant, and all the new little sunflowers growing along the fence – that will, by the end of summer, be about eight feet tall.

If someone ever tells you there’s no hope, don’t believe them. There is always hope. And if the answer doesn’t go the way you want, like with my dad, just know there’s a reason, and one day, if you keep trusting Him, and keep building your faith in Him, He’ll make it all work together for good somehow.  He always has the last word, and He always will.

P.S. — I hope you find your own kind of spoon, Diners Club card, and tile someday too…

The Cicada’s Shell

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I found this on the pear tree. A shell left behind from the cicada’s old life. We’re all inside “shells,” waiting to emerge into something greater. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I just want to hang on to everything that’s already here. Not fond of change. But we’re all changing. So we can either move forward and fly into our dreams and goals, or we can drag our heels and stand beside old shells…wishing we could go back inside, wishing everything could stay the same.

(P.S. — Here’s a neat time-lapse video of a cicada shedding its skin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4TiY1Ji5Zk)

God Gave Me Flowers!

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On Facebook, once in a while you’ll catch posts from friends whose husbands/boyfriends sent them flowers. I love that! Such lovely expressions of devotion…

Well, last Sunday, after the neat experience finding that Scripture card (see previous blog post), I had on my list to pick up some marigolds and begonias at the garden center.

On the way though, I stopped by the local hardware store. A clerk asked me, “Would you like some flowers?”

“Flowers are on today’s list!” I told him.

And then he showed me an almost-empty section with five little raggedy plants sitting in their plastic pots. A sign with them had “FREE!!” marked across the sale price.

“This is all we have left,” he said. “They’re not in the best shape, so we’re giving them away. Do you want them?”

I have a heart for raggedy plants (and animals!). “Sure! Thanks! What are they?” (Only one sported a flower.)

“All but one are marigolds.”

And that made me smile.

Thank you, my Love, for the flowers you gave me!

P.S. — Isn’t it something that sometimes when God gives us a gift, He wants us to nurture it until it’s strong and beautiful to behold? (Oh! And I bought the begonias at half price with coupons at the garden center.)

Before You See It…

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Every day has its own kind of beauty and magic…

I’ve been spending most of my spare time outside lately — trimming hedges, raking pine straw, picking up broken branches, weeding the garden, transplanting the rosemary and some flowers, fixing up the patio for when Mom can come back out again, and digging up dirt for the vegetable garden. I love this whole process, and spring is my favorite time of year!

But Thursday’s beauty and magic was really woven in wonderfully… So many neat surprises!

In the middle of everyday life, with everyday challenges and irritations (such as a bottle of bleach leaking onto the utility room floor…), Thursday made me smile. On a quick run to the grocery store, just as I got out of my car, a gust of wind blew a grocery cart right in front of me, with the handle facing my way, and I literally just grabbed onto it and kept walking. And more ideas for a story I’m working on hit me in the checkout line. And while looking for a card at the Dollar Store, a woman with a German accent started talking to me — and so I was able to use my German and have a nice little conversation (“little” because my vocabulary isn’t as big as it used to be — but this exchange reminded me how much I love languages, so should brush up on these skills…).

Along the way, as I ran quick errands, there were also people the Lord seemed to “highlight” for prayer, for a word of encouragement… The Holy Spirit is so sensitive to everyone’s need…

And when I returned to work in the garden, a ladybug stayed on my arm for a while, the honeysuckle bush was brilliant, and a couple of ducks walked up on the patio to visit (yes, I gave them bread and water — and, yes…they returned the next day, and brought a friend with them).

Now, some might say, “There’s nothing beautiful nor magical about any of that.” And they’d be wrong.

Negativity grates on my nerves probably more than anything. Complainers and whiners and glass-half-empty speakers: Open up your eyes! The beauty and magic is there… Every single day… No matter where you live, what circumstances you’re in, make it a practice to see the beauty and magic… As you do, your world will grow bigger… You’ll be able to lift your heads, knowing that the Lord is the one that lifts them to see this awesome world He’s created… Sift through the ugliness that’s there, and let your new light, your new awareness of His ways and creation, push away the heaviness…. Pretty soon, you’ll step up out of despair, out of negativity, out of feelings of hopelessness, and into all the beauty and “magic” He has for you…

But you have to recognize it first…before you see it…

Just like the Holy Spirit… You have to recognize Him first, learn of Him, breathe of Him, before you truly start to see Him in the middle of everything…even in the middle of a grocery cart pushed into your path by a gust of wind…

Faith as Big as a … Carrot Seed?

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Tears are healthy… And it seems every day lately is a time for tears, especially when in prayer…

When talking to Jesus this morning and studying His Word during a light rain on this overcast day, I just sat in His Presence and felt ministered to.

“I don’t want to cry again, Jesus; let’s just make this a happy time…”

But the tears came anyway. He knew what was in my heart—what I needed to let go of, including a now-miniscule residue of unforgiveness, sadness over present and past circumstances… He let me cry and ministered to me… And then the tears shifted to family and friends dealing with heartbreaking times… And then they went to people struggling in Third World countries…

I could sense Jesus was right next to me, interceding…

“Lord, there’s so much sadness here on this ol’ Earth… Sometimes it feels overwhelming… But I know that in Heaven it’ll be so wonderful that we won’t even remember these days…”

And then I thought of this Scripture: “Your joy is my strength…” And that’s so true. Somehow, in the middle of immediate circumstances, there is that inner joy and peace that only He can provide…

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Yesterday I felt like a kid giddy with excitement, all in an instant. I went outside to feed the birds and squirrels, and while walking past last year’s garden, now dead, waiting for me to dig it up and start anew, I noticed a patch of green. This was no ordinary green though. It was carrot-green, the color of the stems of carrots.

“That can’t be…”

I looked closer, moving the greenery, and there they were! Beautiful orange carrots pushing up from out of the ground! But I hadn’t planted any new ones…

“How in the world???”

After doing some quick research, I found that if you leave some of the carrots in the ground (like I did last summer – and it was the first time I’d ever planted carrots), they will drop seed and come back in the spring! I find so much encouragement in this…

Even when you think all is dead, life happens… But you have to plant something first… You have to be active and actually do something first… I remember how small those carrot seeds were last summer, and how fantastic it was to watch the first growth appear… And that same feeling, but magnified, is how I felt yesterday.

And I remembered “If you have faith the size of a mustard seed…” Or maybe even a carrot seed?

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Back to today…

After that sad-turned-good cry, I talked to Him about the “mountains” in my life, and asked His help to make those mountains “melt like wax before Him”…

And I thought about those carrots again, and looked up the rest of that Scripture about faith and the mustard seed, and read: “For truly I say to you, if you have faith that is living like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, Move from here to yonder place, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you” (Matthew 17:20).

I like that a lot. I feel my faith being stirred and tried and strengthened these days… It doesn’t always feel good at the time, but neither does anything worthwhile when you’re in the middle of it. Writing a novel? Building your muscles? Fasting? Putting a production together? But push through to the other side, get past the “mountains” that stand in your way of achieving your goals, and what seems impossible becomes possible.

It’s just when you’re in the long phase of the journey — the part where you just seem to see a lot of desert instead of green fields, and when tears seem more plentiful than rain — that you long for inner refreshment, where you can dig deeply into the well of faith, splash some on your eyes, and then see with those eyes of faith…

Before getting along with the day, I asked Jesus if He had a psalm for me read. Immediately, I “heard” “Psalm 84” in my spirit. Not knowing what that one was about, I was thankful and in awe of Him yet again… Here are verses 6 and 7:

“Passing through the Valley of Weeping, they make it a place of springs; the early rain also fills the pools with blessings. They go from strength to strength, increasing in victorious power…”

And then I heard a beautiful songbird singing in the rain outside the living-room window on this blessed and joyful new spring day…

I know the word “amazing” is overused a lot, but He really is amazing

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The Beauty of Winter

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This time last week, the snow was falling… We had one of our biggest winter storms — with 10 to 12 inches. Although I’d rather just have a white Christmas and then skip over to spring, it was beautiful…magical…

And now it’s all gone. Well, in certain corners with little sunlight, you might still find traces, maybe. But all the inches have melted away. The roads are clear. The earth is in sight again.

I was reminded to stay in the moment, to remember that valuable lesson from acting classes and apply it to winter. And it’s working, slowly but surely.

Springtime will be here soon enough. For now, though, it’s winter’s turn.

Fallen Leaves…

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Recently, on one of my walks, I was stunned at how the light played so beautifully on fallen leaves…

The wind had blown all sorts of leaves along my path, some singular, some in pairs, and some in small groups, as though waiting for their portraits… And so that’s what I did — I took their pictures. I hoped to capture their essence… These dead leaves were breathing amazing life, amazing color…while the sun cast all sorts of shadows off them…

We don’t always have gorgeous autumn colors here, but this time we did. And, although I’ve said this before in another blog entry, I’m not that fond of this season… The fall usually just reminds me of death.

My father went Home one October long ago, and yesterday so did my Aunt Hazel…and my friend Walter will be buried tomorrow…

My aunt was a feisty, beautiful, tender, outspoken, and fun-loving woman who will be missed greatly… She and my mom would talk on a regular basis, sometimes having hour-long conversations where laughter was abundant. I know she’s hanging out with Jesus now, as she had given her life to Him as a little girl, and then rededicated her life to Him while in hospice… And the Lord has been so attentive to her… One friend who visited her several time before she left for Home told me that she felt her healing would be spiritual instead of physical, and that she felt the Holy Spirit whispering, “Tell her how much I love her! Tell her I’m never going to leave her — and that I’m going to walk her through this to the other side!” And the night before she left, before any of us knew she was so close to leaving, I felt the Holy Spirit ask me to pick up the prayers for her…and so I prayed that He would minister to her in her sleep and surround her with His guardian, warrior, ministering angels — and that if He wasn’t going to heal her physically, that He would allow her to fall asleep here peacefully…and wake up in Heaven… After talking with her nurse, a fellow Believer, the next day, she said that’s exactly what happened…that it was as though she just fell asleep, that it was so peaceful as she took her last breath here, and then woke up in Heaven…

And my friend Walter… Although we weren’t close friends, we had reconnected on Facebook after being in the same foreign language class many years ago…and he even subscribed to this blog… He was intelligent and kind and savvy about all things political, especially since he worked in D.C. for our government, and all things regarding space… We had some great conversations. Our last one, a private inbox message, was about Jesus… His was an unexpected death, from complications after a surgery that would’ve been minor to most people, but he’d been in poor health… I never told him what a great person I thought he was… But I’m sure God’s let him know… I’m sure God’s told him all kinds of wonderful things up there in Heaven… Walter’s having great times now, reunited with his earthly dad and his Heavenly one… And I bet he’s astounded at the view of space from that vantage point…

Someone said once that while we’re missing folks not being here, they’re missing us not being there… I bet when we go Home, we’ll feel the same way…

But for now, for those of us left on this side, we have more Earth-living to do…to be all God’s made us to be…and to shine His Love the best we can…

And when it’s our time to go Home, we won’t have to be afraid… Jesus, if we want Him, will be right beside us, just like he was with my Aunt Hazel and Walter, and He’ll shine that spectacular Light of His, making us more brilliant than we’ve ever been before, and He’ll cast the shadow of death far, far away once and for all… And for that, I’m so very grateful…

Tomato-Cheddar Pie

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Well, I finally made my first tomato pie last night — with the tomatoes from our garden! — and highly recommend the following recipe. We didn’t have cornmeal on hand, so I just crushed up a few organic blue chips/tortilla chips, and that worked well. Also, no dill…but it tasted great without it.

Just in case the link (at the bottom of this page) decides not to work someday, I’ve also copied and pasted the recipe here:

“Crust:

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) chilled unsalted butter, cut into 1/2″ cubes
1 cup buttermilk

Filling:

2 pounds large ripe tomatoes, cored and cut into 1/4″ slices
2 1/2 cups coarsely grated extra-sharp cheddar (8–9 ounces)
1/4 cup finely grated Parmesan (1/2 ounce)
1 scallion, trimmed, chopped
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons chopped fresh dill
1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
2 teaspoons sugar
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper
1 1/2 tablespoons cornmeal

Special Equipment: Use a 9″-diameter glass or ceramic pie dish

Preparation

For crust:
Whisk first 4 ingredients in a medium bowl. Using your fingertips, rub in butter until coarse meal forms and some small lumps remain. Stir in buttermilk and knead gently with your hands until dough forms. Wrap dough in plastic and chill for 1 hour.

For filling:
Lay tomatoes in a single layer on a baking sheet lined with 2 layers of paper towels. Place another 2 layers of paper towels on top of tomatoes. Let stand for 30 minutes to drain.

Preheat oven to 425°F. Roll out dough between 2 sheets of plastic wrap to an 11″ round. Remove top layer of plastic wrap. Invert dough onto pie dish. Carefully peel off plastic wrap.

Toss both cheeses in a medium bowl until evenly incorporated. Reserve 1/4 cup of cheese mixture. Whisk scallion, mayonnaise, dill, vinegar, sugar, salt, and pepper in a small bowl.

Sprinkle cornmeal evenly over bottom of crust, then top with 1/2 cup cheese mixture. Arrange 1/3 of tomatoes over cheese, overlapping as needed. Spread half of mayonnaise mixture (about 1/3 cup) over. Repeat layering with 1 cup of cheese mixture, 1/2 of remaining tomato slices, and remaining mayonnaise mixture. Sprinkle remaining 1 cup cheese mixture over, then remaining tomato slices. Sprinkle with reserved 1/4 cup cheese mixture. Fold overhanging crust up and over edges of tomato slices.

Bake pie until crust is golden and cheese is golden brown, 35-40 minutes (check crust halfway and tent with foil if it’s getting too dark). Let pie cool at least 1 hour and up to 3 hours before slicing and serving.”

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Tomato-and-Cheddar-Pie-366750#

The Last Sunflower…

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I planted the sunflowers late this year, and this was the last one to stand tall before bowing to a new season…

Somewhere around the second week of September it gave its last show…although a little tattered… It stood tall and proud and beautiful…

I’m still in the process of becoming a letting-go expert… Not sure if I’ll ever master this art, but as a human, I continue to try…

On this last day of September, I had a cup of hot tea with cinnamon toast — which is such an autumn/winter thing for me to do.

We’ll celebrate my mom’s birthday in October, and then Thanksgiving and Christmas will roll in again…

Time keeps going…

Another friend went Home to Heaven recently… We’re all in the process of letting go…

And the garden still has tomatoes ripening on the vine and carrots getting ready for harvest and more basil ready to pick…

Life keeps going…

As long as God gives us breath, there’s living to do — every day, in all seasons…

So will go into October seeing all the beauty that month holds…

As God holds me, holds you…

He’s got a firm grip… He loves us so much… And He’s not going anywhere.

I like that.

It’s the reason I can learn to let go, and let Him hold me up…

Just like a sunflower…