Not Rejected, Not Alone

Moon Over the Atlantic Ocean (photo by my nephew Michael Borgesi)


(I wrote this as a Facebook note yesterday, but wanted to also use it as a blog entry.)

Last Friday was the anniversary of when my Dad moved on to Heaven after battling lung cancer… I had forgotten the date again; the days rolled by, although I knew it was late October…

Just last night, a friend and I were talking about our dads… Her father is ill right now, battling cancer … preparing for his journey Home…

So today, I looked up the exact date. It struck me as interesting that last Friday was when I had my little meltdown of feeling completely rejected again and not worth much, and not this and not that, etc., etc., letting everything get to me.

Tonight, I reread one of my statuses from that day, out of curiosity; one status read that I was tired of the rejection and broken-heart times, and was ready to go solo again, to escape it basically, by choosing to be alone.

And now it all makes sense. Without realizing it, I knew that October date… Inside, I knew, and that feeling of abandonment was rearing its ugly head again in all kinds of ways. The abandonment through death… The abandonment of a parent, even though it wasn’t their choice…

I actually feel better now, knowing there was indeed a reason for feeling such deep despair. That kind of “down” only happens once in a blue moon, thank God.

Often, I refer to our Abba God as my Dad, as He is the Father of us all. But, truly, on that October day when I was 14, that’s how I started seeing God more and more. And He is such a good and loving Abba…

If anybody else out there has experienced the loss of an earthly father, or has experienced loss of any kind, where you’ve felt abandoned or rejected, or maybe your earthly dad wasn’t a loving person, there is One who is there and has always been right there, waiting to be recognized or noticed again… Waiting to be loved back, in return…

I don’t understand all His ways, but I trust His heart… He has been faithful, even when I haven’t…

We’re all so complicated, aren’t we? Different things affect us, and sometimes we don’t even know why. But He does, and there’s comfort and strength just in knowing that. No, I am not rejected. And I am worth everything to Him. And so are you. I just wanted to share this in case you’ve felt the same thing recently. And to remind you, like I had to remind myself, that feelings have a habit of lying, of clouding the truth.

The Truth is what He says about us. And, at the core of everything, that’s all that really should matter — what your Creator thinks and knows about you.

What’s even more incredibly wonderful is that He thinks good things about us, nothing to condemn or belittle us. Jesus even said that. You might think you’re not lovable enough (as I have felt), but your Abba says you are loved with an undying Love. You might think you’re not smart enough (again, hand raised…), but He says He gives you His wisdom. You might think you’re not attractive enough (yep…), but He says you’re His precious, beautiful diadem. Anything you can think of that you believe you’re “not,” He can and does refute it with His Word, in Scripture. So many diamonds in that Book to dig for…

Sometimes I’m very forgetful, and sometimes I let my feelings override the Truth, especially regarding heart matters… But I’m glad He always steps in to validate (dictionary definition: “To declare or make legally valid… To mark with an indication of official sanction… To establish the soundness of… To confirm…” Pretty neat, huh?) and reaffirm what’s He’s already spoken… Just like any good Dad would…

And that Truth cuts through the darkness of whatever our circumstances are. It might not always seem as bright as the sun… Sometimes it’s just enough though… Like the moon, shining brilliantly over an ocean of blackness, surrounded by a myriad of stars… Just enough light to make you focus on that alone … and breathe again … with hope renewed; with joy building back up, ever so slightly; with a better ability to hear your Abba echoing throughout the universe, just for you, for each one of us: “You are not rejected; you are not alone; I love you with an undying Love… now and forever … unconditionally, with all my heart… Here I am… Your Abba’s here…”

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